FOOD FOR THE SOUL
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My parents recently visited from South Africa. And while they are for the most part healthy, active, pleasant people I found myself crippled with fear every time we went somewhere. Should we have gotten travel insurance, does that sneeze imply Covid, are the swollen ankles the last stretch of cardiac failure. Was my Mom always this yellowish color?
I usually have a very laid-back approach to life. But for some reason my anxious thoughts overruled my usual ‘go with the flow’, ‘all-is-well’ attitude. I woke up in the middle of the night with nervous knots in my stomach. I nearly cancelled our road trip in exchange for sitting at home and watching my folks grow old. It was surreal. Downright stupid. And although I realized that my fears were undoubtedly irrational, it didn’t change the fact that these were the thoughts that ruled my mind.
Once upon a time in a land far, far away lived the girl who took Offense. She carried Offense with her wherever she went, added to it whenever someone said things she didn’t agree with, whenever things didn’t turn out the way she expected or whenever she felt she wasn’t appreciated enough.
Offense grew. Later the girl couldn’t see past Offense and started to see everything through Offense’s eyes. She would nurture Offense; she would anticipate someone saying something that could add to the heavy weight she was carrying. She tried but she couldn’t put Offense down. Forgiveness knocked on her door, but it sounded like work. ‘Let it go!’ some of the neighbors shouted, but she sort of felt safe with the always present burden.
‘He will smother you!’ they warned but the girl knew that carrying Offense has become part of her identity. She wasn’t sure who she would be if she didn’t hold on; Offense had become a trusted companion. Offense never challenged her and always supported her behavior.
Later, Offense’s brother Bitterness came to visit. He invited Resentment and Hate. The girl felt suffocated, but they assured her there was enough place for them all. No one in town spoke to the girl anymore, the neighbors pretended not to see her when she roamed the streets. Offense, Bitterness, Resentment and Hate whispered, ‘You see, we told you, you were right to not trust them’. The girl carried their weight day in and day out and didn’t recognize Choice when he asked why she seemed tired. Choice offered water but Offense shouted that it was distasteful to offer someone options when they clearly don’t need it. The girl turned her back on Choice and stumbled forth, for a second wishing she’d met him earlier – maybe in a time before Bitterness, Resentment and Hate.
“A new year, a new life”. “He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; he who makes one is a fool”. “May all your troubles last as long as your new year’s resolutions”. We are all familiar with the New Year’s resolution remarks, we’ve maybe even used some of them. Whether you love new year’s resolutions or hate them, there is something refreshing about starting with a clean slate.
A new year marks amazing prospects. It offers a time to reflect on the projection of our lives and adjust where necessary. One can either get stuck in looking back and reminiscing on previous mistakes and failures or see a wide-open space of new beginnings and immense opportunities.
Some people dislike new year’s resolutions, I love them! It is a time to ponder, set goals and be open to change – new thought patterns, new behaviors, new habits!
In 2024 balance will be focus. Physical, spiritual and mental. My motto for this year is LESS IS MORE IN 2024.
I recently found myself feeling uneasy. More and more out of equilibrium. I couldn't really pinpoint my agitation, I just constantly felt uncomfortable. As if I was running on autopilot, caught up in the quicksand of life. Stuck with my thoughts, stuck with bad habits and stuck in what seemed to be a halfhearted attempt to live life to the fullest. It felt like I was on a treadmill, slowly going nowhere. I had the overwhelming feeling that I was not where I wanted to be, while I also didn’t know where that place was that I was supposed to be.
I felt trapped in a pattern. In all aspects of life - like life lost its spark.
Have you ever felt this way?
Have you ever had a conversation where you were not given the opportunity to say a word? Where your opponent would simply talk non-stop, not once pausing, blinking, or showing any interest in allowing you to make a peep. I recently had such an incident at the gym. It made me feel awful and small, but it got me thinking.
We have lost the art of good communication. Effective communication requires mindfulness when talking with others, listening with respect, and conveying ideas efficiently. This leads to a deepening of our connection with other people. While most of us are familiar with the 7 C’s of communication: clear, concise, concrete, correct, coherent, complete and courteous, I would love to propose an additional C: Curiosity. Not the type that killed the cat, but the impulse towards better cognition.
When we are being creative, our brains release dopamine, which is an anti-depressant. While this makes us ‘feel good’, engaging in creative activities can also boost self-esteem, reduce symptoms of anxiety, and increase feelings of happiness and contentment. Creativity is linked to several mental health benefits, and yet…
We learn to color inside the lines and unlearn to think outside the box. We tell kids to stop asking why why why? We over-expose and over-structure, to the point where there’s little time to reflect or to be alone with one’s thoughts. We fill our days to the point where there is no free time.
Did you know that non-creative behavior is learned? It is not our natural inclination.
In my earlier coaching days, I met a teenager who, to his mother’s dismay, studied by making tiny notes on post-it’s and sticking them to the ceiling in his room. When crunch time came, he would lie on the floor with binoculars and revise his work. 😊
I find it fascinating how we are all uniquely designed. Have you noticed that children who grew up in the same household, with the same upbringing can be so different in how they approach life, make decisions and handle situations?
The COVID-19 pandemic has shaken every aspect of society. Concerns about mental health and substance use are at an all-time high. People stress and worry about contracting the virus, job losses, how long this pandemic will last, as well as the devastating loss of loved ones due to the universal crisis. Amid the fear, worry, and uncertainty, each day seems to bring more challenges than the day before.
We are all suffering. And though my story is not nearly as bad as some of yours, I experienced, quite possibly, the worst 2 months ever.
Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a Prince who fought ferociously for the love of his life. He defeated dragons, crossed oceans, and conquered kingdoms. His love astounded her, he made her his Princess and they lived happily ever after.
So, we are told…
Just once I would like to stuff a dirty sock into the mouth of the person who first said; “It is what it is”. If there is a phrase that I loathe, this would be it. What a fatalistic, shrug-your-shoulders, awful approach.
My husband is a keen Wim Hof fan. For those who are not familiar with Wim, Wikipedia lists him as the Iceman, a Dutch extreme athlete noted for his ability to withstand freezing temperatures. Wim has set Guinness World Records for swimming under ice …
Most of us are familiar with the Greek mythology of Narcissus, the beautiful young man who fell in love with his own reflection. He became obsessed to the point that he would not leave the water for fear of losing sight of his reflection, at which he stared until he died.
No. Such a strong little word. Yet so many of us seem to have an absolute apprehension to saying “no”. Sometimes we even find ourselves thinking “no, no, no” but then still blurt out “yes.”
There is this story most of us grew up with – the parable of the good Samaritan. The guy who went out of his way to help a destitute stranger, someone who couldn’t repay or ever thank him adequately. Well I met him, on a hot day in Mississippi. June 30th, to be precise.
There’s this joke where a call goes out to 911. "Help, we were hunting, and my gun went off accidentally. I
think my buddy's dead!" The operator says, "I need to know whether you need an ambulance…
Fear of the Coronavirus has taken over the world! It captures headlines, cripples our economy, corrupts consumer behavior and creates pandemonium. And the best of all?
Psychologically, the start of a new year creates revisions in our mind set. We look back on the previous year and reminisce on what could have been, what worked well and what we could have done better.
Our culture is so obsessed with weight. Whats your BMI? Are you a size 0? Should you be eating those fries?
In the previous blog we tackled the frustrations of procrastination. To overcome procrastination, we need to understand the reasons why we procrastinate, and the role procrastination serves in our life.
I penned this little poem in yet another attempt to postpone writing a blog that should have been written before the summer holiday. Maybe this topic hits home way too hard….
Feeling angry all the time, or being around someone who is always angry, is exhausting and stressful. It steals joy, is a real downer and a sure showstopper for spontaneity…
We live in the age of anxiety. And don’t think that anxiety is something only adults suffer from. Teenagers (13 - 18 years) and young adults (18 – 35 years) have become progressively more anxious over the last few decades.
Why we think we are awesome! And they’re not….
My son of five is a keen break-dancer. Unfortunately, he didn’t receive the talent to accompany his enthusiasm. He can kick a ball like you can’t believe…
As a little girl I signed all birthday cards with this quote “Happiness is something you create in your mind, not something you search for but can’t seem to find.”
Do you feel like you are in rut? Do you catch yourself focusing on the things that are tricky, unfair, or wrong in life? Have you been labeled a pessimist?
When we feel that we have no power over our past, we are filled with regret.
When we feel that we have no power over our future, we become fearful.
Once upon a time, in a land full of dreams, there was a Prince who fought ferociously for the love of his life. He defeated dragons, crossed oceans and dominated kingdoms. His love conquered her, he made her his Princess and they lived happily ever after
A comfort zone can be defined as ‘a place or situation where one feels safe or at ease and without stress’. That sounds like a decent place, even a contented place to be. But it’s also a dangerous place.
My life took an interesting turn: unexpected but ever so intriguing. When I first got involved in behavioral therapy, I never imagined where it would take me. It started as a simple curiosity, a desire to understand how I can better support parents, especially those parenting children with disruptive behaviors. Along the way, I crossed paths with some amazing therapists and professionals who specialize in Applied Behavior Analysis. Fast forward to today, and I find myself working in a school setting with children on the autism spectrum. It’s been and continues to be one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
Some days, I feel a deep sense of shame as I realize how much I take for granted in my own life —simple things like being able to communicate effectively, my health or navigating the world without constant struggle. But most days, I’m simply in awe of what I get to witness and be a part of.