My parents recently visited from South Africa. And while they are for the most part healthy, active, pleasant people I found myself crippled with fear every time we went somewhere. Should we have gotten travel insurance, does that sneeze imply Covid, are the swollen ankles the last stretch of cardiac failure. Was my Mom always this yellowish color?
I usually have a very laid-back approach to life. But for some reason my anxious thoughts overruled my usual ‘go with the flow’, ‘all-is-well’ attitude. I woke up in the middle of the night with nervous knots in my stomach. I nearly cancelled our road trip in exchange for sitting at home and watching my folks grow old. It was surreal. Downright stupid. And although I realized that my fears were undoubtedly irrational, it didn’t change the fact that these were the thoughts that ruled my mind.
It got me thinking of how desensitized we have become to anxiety. We accept it as a sign of the times. It is what it is. As if, we have no choice – it is simply a bad character trade; we are an anxious people; the world we live in is an anxious place.
Please understand that I am not making light of mental health issues, and I am not disregarding professional help – I make a living off it. What I am saying is that anxiety and fear are not something we should tolerate, but something we should actively oppose.
We do have the ability to control our minds. To have the ability, doesn’t imply smooth sailing. But we do have a choice. We are more than the sum of the thoughts that enter our minds. Just as we can’t stop a bird from flying over our heads, we can’t stop fearful thoughts entering our minds, but we can prevent it from building a nest there.
We have been given the (difficult) task of reigning over our thoughts and fears. Not becoming complacent with them. Not explaining or justifying why we have the right to feel anxious or act irrational.
One of my favorite forms of psychological treatment, called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is an effective intervention that addresses faulty or unhealthy ways of thinking and the impact it has on our mental and physical health. It assists us in learning better ways of coping with psychological difficulties and addresses learned patterns of unhelpful behavior. Cognitive behavioral therapy involves practical efforts to change our bad thinking and behavioral patterns while it teaches us to be our own therapist. It trains us to develop coping skills to manage our anxiety.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps us to see our responsibility in interpreting and dealing with our environment, our thoughts and our behaviors. It is always valuable to have a friend or partner who can keep us accountable and point us in the right direction if our thought patterns become unhealthy. One who can sometimes call us out, if need be. As iron sharpens iron, a good friend speaks the truth in love, and so help shape us. They lovingly point out our blind spots and motivate us to be better, rather than appease us. Make sure you have someone that challenges you to be the best version of yourself.
Telling yourself to stop worrying is not going to fix the problem, but with the right people in our corner and the necessary skills we can move through an anxious season, knowing we don’t have to stay there. Instead of giving in to anxiety, find yourself an accountability partner, do breathing exercises, start journaling, test the validity of what you are feeling, practice behavioral strategies – do whatever it takes, but do not get complacent with anxious thought patterns.
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.